2016-- A Year of Silver Linings

Life is simple. Everything happens for you, not to you. And in 2016, I not only learned that, but I embraced it. 

Dear 2016,

You were a year that could have left me broken. You were a year so full of pain. You took my life, shattered it, but you also taught me how to piece it back together, into a beautiful transformation. You softened my heart in a world that so wanted it to be hard. You showed me love like I could never imagine. 

2016 was the year I lost my cousin. I learned that grief is a personal experience, but that for me, part of my healing included feeling the pain of others. I learned what it really meant to lean not on my own understanding. It put me in a position that has caused me to count my days with those I love with more gratitude. 

2016 was the year my grandpa was terribly sick. A seemingly simple procedure took a turn for the worse, and the following months were a fight for normalcy. In those moments spent pacing hospital hallways, I came to realize that one day, I would be the healer, working on someone of equal importance to my grandpa- another person’s grandpa, another person’s father, another person’s husband. And the weight that comes with that is heavy, but if anything, honorable. 

2016 was the year of letting go of my own expectations. I realized how deeply my desire is to raise a family of my own, and love my kids like my mom has loved me. I found that my love for stories, and the importance I see in them in the world of healthcare, could lead me down a path to pursue a masters in Narrative Medicine from Columbia.  I decided not to go to medical school, but rather PA school. While there is power in the name of medical school, there is more power in the word and callings of the Lord.

2016 was the year I began to lead Wyldlife. I had no idea how my team would change. I had no idea how much I would love a rowdy group of 7th graders. I had no idea how much the Spirit would guide me to higher and deeper callings.  I could have never imagined that each girl I loved would present me with a new opportunity to reflect on my life, and the drive to fight for their present, and their future. 

2016 was the year I needed my people more than ever. Christine picked me up from ochem lab, crying, and drove me to Walgreens to get a prescription. Hannah helped me into the car to go to the ER, took a physics exam, and then hurried over to the hospital to spend the rest of the evening in a hard chair next to me as I writhed in pain. My parents drove back and forth from home to Boulder several times just to be with me. My small group checked in with me frequently, Sara starting a chain reaction of encouragement the day of my surgery. Grammy came to every neurosurgeon appointment with me. And of course, there was Mackenzie, my truest bluest friend. She spent one night in and out of my room, making sure I was breathing and that the narcotics they gave me in the ER didn't kill me, due to an overly cautious and fear inducing ER nurse. She drove downtown multiple times to check on me when I was stuck in the hospital with pancreatitis. She helped me put my pants on and shaved my legs. If that's not best friendship I don't know what is. 

2016 was the year I was at the hospital more than ever before. It was the year where I hated my body—not for the external appearance, but for what was compromised internally, and how that impacted the people I loved. It was the year of blood tests, MRIs, x-rays, ultrasounds, of mystery diagnosis. It was the year of pancreatitis, herniated discs, allergic reactions, ulcers, gastritis, two surgeries. It was the year of many specialists. But it was also the year of networking, if you will, and of God guided decisions for my future. 

While more often than not, I felt like I was beaten down in 2016, it was also the year of goodness. For each trial, there was joy and beauty that triumphed. 

beautiful reminders of my cousin in the sunset.

tubes be damned, gangsta poppop persists.

all you can do you is laugh at yourself. 

The dark days of 2016 would frequently overtake my mind, but when I look back, there were far more glowing days. 

H and B take on SD 

A Villanova victory

world's greatest gal pals 

being serenaded by Florence + the Machine

yep, we're still together 👊

a sweet summer escape in the south

too much fun at Disneyland

wrangling the best girls out there

they all say we're like an old married couple, so we dressed up like one

my Lomo ladies

getting our hike on

oh my heart I love them!

50 years of the best

I'd be lost without them

the banner perfectly describes how i feel about my home girls

love leading with the Lomo moms

5ever and always

 While most every bone in my body was happy to see the ball drop, and for a reset in time, I look back to 2016 with gratitude. Had it have gone as planned, I sure wouldn't be closer to being the Hannah I was always meant to be.

xo