Unveiling Truth

For a while now, I've felt stumped when it comes to blogging. I've got so much to say and so much I want to preserve, but have a difficult time choosing the right words to convey it all.

Back when I first started blogging, it was a part of my daily routine. I wrote something everyday, no matter how short or long the piece. I'm really happy I was so dedicated to it because it has provided me a great online journal/scrapbook of sorts to look back on. But now, blogging has really taken the back burner, and I associate that mostly with feeling of inferiority. In the last three years, the use of social media has greatly increased. With this, there is more pressure.

I find myself comparing my life/blog/social media to other people, who according to their two-dimensional pictures and webpages, are perfectly put together and always happy. From their online profiles, they don't seem bogged down by school/work, confused about the future, worried about their appearance, they've got it all together.

And then there's me and my online life...

My pictures are not carefully edited, and very amateur.
My writing is rarely proofread.
My thoughts are usually ramblings that don't make a lot of sense.

My blog is the furthest thing for aesthetically perfect, and so am I. I am flawed.

But I'm coming to terms that that is ok. I want my blog to be a testament of me, of my life, of my heart, of the hard truths, of the joyful spirits. I realized that it's less about how things on this small part of my life look and it's more about what I'm saying and what that means to me.

My mom is one of the most authentic people in my life. She doesn't do what is popular, she does what is right for her. She isn't shy to point out her imperfections and laugh and celebrate them.  The other day, she sent me this article. It was pretty intriguing and it really made me think about my role on social media.

I think it's pretty normal to not share the not so pretty parts of life on social media because, well, they're not pretty. Society has slanted to using rose-colored glasses. But I think there's no need to hide the rough realness.

So let's get real real, real fast:

so cliche but necessary. This was taken on a Saturday, spent studying chemistry, wearing my comfiest, ugliest sweats. No makeup, just my cute little zits and blemishes and dry skin. Hair drying from a shower, kinky because of a bun I had just taken it out of. Real life, people. 

-Working out is not my jam. I love the idea of running but do not enjoy the actual act of running. I primarily work out so when I have kids, my body won't be complete crap.

-My life is pretty darn boring for the most part. Most of my day is made up of class, studying, food, and then an episode of some drama TV show if I'm not up too late. But honestly, I'm really happy with my life and don't feel the need to be always doing something crazy to have my life be exciting.

-I have major control issues.

-Self-doubt is my biggest inner demon.

-There's a lot of times I wish I wanted to do something besides medicine. I wish my dream wasn't so intense and time consuming and so freaking cutthroat.

-I am quick to see what I'm bad at and dwell on that. I have a hard time acknowledging when I'm good at things.

-As much as I love to dress up and create stylish outfits, the first thing I do everyday when I get home from class is take off my pants and put on running shorts.

-I am a chronic overthinker. Of everything.

So here's to more real life here and there and everywhere. Here's to truth behind the 2D things we see and share. It's time to get back to just blogging for the heck of it (insert fistbump emoji)

xo
Hannah