The Kind of Woman I Want to Be

It seems like all I do these days is think about my future. College will do that to you. I technically am an adult (isn’t that weird??) but I still feel very much like a kid. There have been things that made me feel more adult, like the fact that I am in charge of all my medical decisions, but for the most part I still feel like I am 10. Since I am an adult though, I have to figure out what the heck I’m going to do with this life of mine. I have already done tons, but I feel like the most important things to do still have yet to happen. I am figuring out who I am.

I know that my role here on Earth is to take care of people. I am here to love, support, and help. I know that I am loyal and confident in my own happiness. There is nothing that gives me more satisfaction than helping someone, in small or big ways. My door is always open, my tissues are always stocked, food is at the ready, and the crown is waiting to remind my friends that they are all queens. I like to think that I have a pretty good sense of who I am, but I still am figuring out what I will do with it all.

Social media is the devil in a million different ways. It provokes jealousy. It is where some people place their self worth. It causes major FOMO. There’s a little bit too much reliance on it these days.

But we can’t put it down completely. Instagram is without a doubt my favorite form of social media. I love pictures. I love how so much beauty and emotion can be captured, and then forever preserved. I love that connections can be made. Besides my friends and random celebs, I follow a lot of people who I first followed because I thought they had cute kids (that sounds a lot creepier than it really is, I promise I’m not crazy). Over the years, I feel like I have really become involved in the lives of these women. Not because I was talking with them or really making any personal connection, but simply because I was following life with them. Granted, not all of life is shared in a tiny square photo, but I felt like I was a part of their journey, in a sense.

I look on my Instagram feed. I see Kelle Hampton (@etst), moving mountains for people with disabilities and looking at life with the most realistic yet dreamy view. I see Natalie Holbrook  (@heynataliejean), showing others that honesty and simplicity are life’s two most important tenants. I see Lauren (@aspiringkennedy) exploring London, Paris, and the rest of Western Europe, living out her wanderlust. I see Naomi (@taza), venturing through NYC with young ones by her side, doing what many would deem impossible. I see Laura, as she is finishing up her final year of medical school at Harvard, while having a family. I see Tiffany (@thegraygang) speaking the most honest of truths about motherhood and what it means to be a woman.

But even when I put down my phone, I am surrounded by incredible women everywhere. The inspiration is everflowing.

I see my mother. She is my rock, the most constant thing in my life. She loves so much, is positive and optimistic about every situation, and gives, gives, gives. I look and see the tremendous things she does for not only my family, but the people around her. She has a heart of service, compassion, kindness, and patience, a true example of Colossians 3:12. It is an honor to be her daughter.

My aunts are always there for me, as I text them or call them in times of emergency when my mom’s not around. I am so blessed to have had them be such a huge part of my life. They are my second moms and I'm so lucky to have so many amazing aunts, near and far.

My grammy is me, just 50 years older. This year, she has been a guardian angel, as she has been here in a moment's notice, to take care of me, and remind me how loved I truly am. Then there is my grandma who is truly watching over me, the one who gave me my red hair and enchanting childhood memories.

The woman I babysit for are raising some of the most beautiful, innocent, loving children. They give me a whole new perspective on motherhood. I am honored with every opportunity they give me to let me love on their littles like they are my own. I hope that in one way or another, I will positively impact their lives, like the babysitters I have had. I would have my childhood babysitter, Tasha, come babysit me today, that's how great she was. I love that we still talk and that having a babysitter was always something that I looked forward to/begged for. I hope that I will get to watch these kids grow up, and become incredible teenagers.

The teachers I have had have impacted my life in so many ways. Mrs. Bowen will always be the incredible first grade teacher who made sure I was challenged, but not defeated. I remember sobbing coming off the bus on the last day of school, as I could not imagine going back to school and her not being my teacher. Ms. G was the fun loving redhead who made sure I understood long division, told us stories of Oscar, her orange tabby, and years later, trusted me to watch her beautiful baby girl. Ms. Sclafani was true to the bone and put up with no nonsense, which made a rule follower at me feel so utterly content. Ms. Straw was so fundamental to my love for reading, introducing me to the most amazing books (I still love the Alice series). I remember doing shared reading (song of the week) and belting out the lyrics to compete in volume with the other 6th grade classes. She helped me through the first bits of girl drama, and made my final year in elementary school one of the best. Mrs. Doro and Mrs. Parks were true saints, as middle school math teachers, who could teach the craziest bunch of kids and actually get them to learn something. Mrs. Johnson gave my heart a love for European history, and demonstrated a true desire for her students to succeed, holding AP study sessions everyday after school for weeks. Ms. Wickstrom was vital to my writing successes, as was Mrs. Anastacio and Mrs. Colella. Mrs. Joyner gave me so many laughs, lessons on grammar, and writing prompts to ponder. Mrs. Eloe was more than a calculus teacher, but the best cross country coach ever. Mrs. Kirelis gave me a love for music, and more importantly, singing. There's no way I could ever say I did not receive the best education- not just about the school stuff, but about all the in-between stuff.

My friends moms are my moms. They care for me as much as my mom cares for me. They raised my best friends, the people I love the most, so they obviously have a knack for doing good for the world.

As I think about my future, I think about the dilemma of being a woman who wants to be a doctor AND a mother (a whole other post for a whole other day). The more I think about it, the more I know that I want both, and will not bend. Call me crazy, but I want to have lots of kids and be the best mom in the world, like my mom, and practice medicine, immersing myself in science and my passion for helping others. Society is constantly telling woman otherwise, and that in the field of medicine, you can only pick one. But I believe that woman can do it all. I think that priorities change over time so what the “all” that I think I want now will likely be different in five years. But the reason woman can do it all is because we have each other. These past few weeks, I have spent a lot of time talking, like wayyy more than usual, so basically I have been talking every minute I am awake;) I have had some conversations that left me feeling refreshed and thankful and blessed. The connections made with those I was talking with were something magical, as the universe lined up. One afternoon a few Fridays ago, Emma and I chatted over iced caramel machiattos, about life, hardships, joy, and that the overarching theme in life is people need people. We need each other to talk to, to cry with, laugh with, vent with, celebrate with. Being a woman is about being part of a sisterhood, where we hold each other and in return, are held.

A reason why I have become particularly interested in maternal-fetal medicine is because of the connection their is between women, and our need to build each other up and support each other. I want to be there for them, to take care of them and their babies. Motherhood is a miracle, as I have witnessed time and time again.

So this Mothers Day, I say thank you to all the magnificent women in my life. Thank you for caring for me, for loving me, for giving me an understanding on life, for showing me the kind of woman I want to be- one just like you.

xo
Hannah