Home

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Home:  a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household; the place in which one's domestic affections are centered; any place of refuge

This is a post that's been heavy on my mind for the past few months. I've began a new chapter of my life here in Boulder. I'm still adjusting and getting the hang of it all, but home is always on my mind. You can't just forget a place where you were you for 18 years. But what truly is home? 

It's something we think and talk about it often. I have nine songs on my phone called "Home", each a little different, but with one main underlying theme- home is simply a part of us that we can never leave behind.
 
To me, home is more than my house on Ironwood. It's not just a physical location; it's the day to day routines, the usual motions we follow. Attached with these are emotions of comfort and solace, happiness and warmth, joy and gratitude.

It's drives to Sonic with Mackenzie. It's my black cat following me around, crying for more attention. It's Olivia saying the most absurd things, causing me and my mom to double over laughing. It's my dog going crazy playing a game on Olivia's iPad. It's Brandon moving slow as molasses when we are trying to leave. It's belting out the lyrics to ABBA songs or Christmas music. It's weekly trips to Sam's Club with my dad. It's my neighbor knocking on the back door to play with the animals. It's movies and group hugs with my best friends. It's babysitting the cutest kids. It's catching up on the high school drama with Isabel and Ainsley. It's my mom laying next to me on my bed at night. It's hearing the steady thumps of my sister practicing her dances in the kitchen. It's always seeing someone I know at Target. It's my brother's weird as heck noises. It's stopping in my mom's classroom with Starbucks. It's picking produce from the garden. It's late nights that us three kids are up studying. It's Olivia taking my clothes. It's two arms holding me tight when I need it most. It's being with the ones I love most, wherever.

While all of this will always be home, I am trying to make where I am now, home. It's difficult as I try to pick up these new pieces. With just two weeks under my belt, I know that it will take time. But I sure do crave for that feeling of security and comfort. I am making friends who I know will be essential to that home feeling, as I create new routines and find my new rhythm to life. 

Perhaps home will be jumping to get on my cozy little corner bed. Flock nights with Andy and EB. Coffee between math and bio. Seeing familiar faces, smiling and waving. Talking with floor mates in the bathroom. Laundry on Thursday mornings. Smelling the green apple smell when I pass the planetarium. Fearing the ducks of Kittredge Pond. Young Life and Swing Dance Club. Riding the Hop to 29th Street Mall for window shopping and Target trips. Laughing at myself far too often in my dorm room. Sharing goodies from home. Admiring the Flatirons every morning. Girl talk outside my RA's door. 

This place will never replace home, but it is what I make it. I suppose we never just have one home. Home is multiple pieces that make up each of us, each one providing reassurance and truth. There are days where I miss home. I miss the simplicity of childhood, of high school, of life before. While it seems different when I go back, parts echo the past and that comfort is restored.


Last night, I went to Young Life for the first time with some friends just to try it out (more on that later). We sang some songs that weren't all just worshippy and this was one of them. Tuesday morning I was having a pretty bad bout of homesickness and was feeling sort of lost in the crowd. I hate to go all "divine intervention" on you,  but I totally believe that there is a reason we sang this. I so needed it as a reminder. The lyrics resonated within me, especially these few lines :

"Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble—it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home"

College is the place where we're all a little lost, all trying to figure out who we really are. But we will always have our roots to fall back on. I miss home and the happy memories of the past and the future is uncertain which is scary but you know what? I'm going to be just fine.  

xo
Hannah

    "So I'm trusting in my feet
            And I'm skipping to a beat
             Of a heart that's sweet on finding home"

The New Life

Well I am officially all moved in and about to start classes at CU here in beautiful Boulder. I've seen more Subaru Outbacks than I can count, smelled the disgusting odor of weed, got a henna tattoo, and have gone to a natural food store, so I'm now basically a true blood Boulderan.

College has been amazing so far. Sure classes haven't started so now it's all fun and games, but I'm excited for those too! I've met lots of people and it's been really interesting to see what brings people to Colorado. The floor I live on is all girls and there's only 15 of us so it's been easy to get to know each other. I've gotten along with my roommate and have almost everything set up, and my room hasn't gotten too hot (knock on wood).

It's crazy how fast time flies up here. I feel like I've been here for way longer than three days. I have not been homesick at all, surprisingly. There have been a few moments where I miss my dog or cat or just driving to Sonic listening to music, but I haven't been overcome with any sadness and longing for home. I'm busy and there's so much newness to explore and absorb. In a way, I feel like Highlands Ranch and all things that have happened prior to Thursday are a distant memory of a past life. This is the new life. It's exhilarating yet sort of scary. Here's to it!

Such a beautiful view!!

My humble abode :) A tour of the dorm soon to come

First of many TJ trips. Plus we rode the bus to get there, talk about grown up

Ready for her first dubstep concert!!!!!!!!!!

Just kidding, we went ice skating!

Hey Ralphie!!!

Hannah's henna. A vine to represent the new growth that will come with college. Just kidding, I just liked the design 

xo
Hannah

PS: I'm still trying to figure out what blogging schedule is going to look like. As I get more situated and into a routine, I plan on blogging on a more regular basis. Bear with me through the change :)

A Season of Change

As I was sitting on the couch watching RV with my family, I was thinking about how it had been a while since I blogged and I was feeling the need to. At first, I thought to myself, "Oh I'll call my post 'Shame shame' or something like that since I've been a bad blogger lately". Then it dawned on me that I don't owe anything to this blog or my readers (sorry guys). I blog for me. To write down my memories. To share this beautiful thing we call life.

Currently, I'm going through what my mom would call a season of change. I will be moving out in 6 days. 6 DAYS. This summer has absolutely flown by, like they all seem to. I've been busy prepping for this next chapter of my life while still trying to savor each moment in the present. There's a lot that I'm trying to process now and that's what led me to blog. Writing things out is one of the best ways I can sort things out in my brain.

I try to live life with no regrets. And for the most part I really do. I believe that everything happens for a reason and we must trust in that reason, even if we don't see why immediately. But I do wish that I would have spent more time with my friends. More crazy adventures. More time talking. More time with those that I love so dearly. Time is fleeting, this I know. I think about how fast senior year went by. Heck, high school was a blur. You simply just don't realize how lucky you are until it's all being taken away from you.

So here's some little life updates. A High Five for Friday, I suppose. :)

On Monday, Jessica became a legal adult. A birthday post is coming, I just need to sit and finish it. I always end up having to stop because I get too dang emotional because not only was it her birthday, but it was the last time we got to see her before she packed up and left for SIU.

On Monday, little Liv also had a birthday. How is it that she is 14 and in high school now?! Man, what I would give to see her there. It's crazy to think that I remember freshman year so clearly and that's what she's experiencing now. I'm not looking forward to having to say goodbye to her.

Late night movies are always great. Especially when you have an old man in the theater who happens to have the funniest laugh in the world and conveniently laughs at everything. I realized that night that every time we go to the movies, we have this routine;  we go to King Soopers, get cheaper tickets and candy, then go to the theaters and get settled in. Who will I do this with in college?!

SO wonderful to be with all these friends the other night! Nothing beats great conversation over delicious PF Changs, some Bonnie Brae Ice Cream, and a surprise visit to see Riley at the sorority house she's living in for preseason soccer at DU!

And of course a dog picture because it was either her or the cat. She sure is cute and so much fun! Boy will I miss her!

While looking at my Facebook profile the other day for no apparent reason, I realized I still had a quote in my About section that I had posted in middle school. 
"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven..." [Ecclesiastes 3:1] (read the rest here)

I could only smile and think that I saw it there, at the time, for a reason. All of this change is coming whether I want it to or not. At this time though, change is happening for everyone. There's comfort knowing that you are not alone as these anxious feeling overcome you. Despite how exciting it all is, we must leave behind a piece of ourselves to embrace the future and become ever more who we really are. The great perhaps is out there, which is terrifying and exhilarating, all at once. 

xo
Hannah


"Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again." [Grey's Anatomy]

Life leads to change

I feel like so much of my life is changing around me, and I can't really stop it. I wish I could explain it better, but it's one of those things you can't really put into words. But of course, these quotes from Grey's Anatomy put some of my feelings into words;)

"Change, we don't like it, we fear it, but we can't stop it from coming. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. And it hurts to grow, anybody who tells you it doesn't is lying. But here's the truth: the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes change is good. Oh, sometimes change is . . . everything."

 "When we say things like 'people don't change' it drives scientist crazy because change is literally the only constant in all of science. Energy. Matter. It's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural. The way we cling to what things were instead of letting things be what they are. The way we cling to old memories instead of forming new ones. The way we insist on believing despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change that's up to us. It can feel like death or it can feel like a second chance at life. If we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it, it can feel like pure adrenaline. Like at any moment we can have another chance at life. Like at any moment, we can be born all over again."

xo 

Hannah

PS: today's the last Tuesday of summer 2k13. noooooo:((((