Home

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Home:  a house, apartment, or other shelter that is the usual residence of a person, family, or household; the place in which one's domestic affections are centered; any place of refuge

This is a post that's been heavy on my mind for the past few months. I've began a new chapter of my life here in Boulder. I'm still adjusting and getting the hang of it all, but home is always on my mind. You can't just forget a place where you were you for 18 years. But what truly is home? 

It's something we think and talk about it often. I have nine songs on my phone called "Home", each a little different, but with one main underlying theme- home is simply a part of us that we can never leave behind.
 
To me, home is more than my house on Ironwood. It's not just a physical location; it's the day to day routines, the usual motions we follow. Attached with these are emotions of comfort and solace, happiness and warmth, joy and gratitude.

It's drives to Sonic with Mackenzie. It's my black cat following me around, crying for more attention. It's Olivia saying the most absurd things, causing me and my mom to double over laughing. It's my dog going crazy playing a game on Olivia's iPad. It's Brandon moving slow as molasses when we are trying to leave. It's belting out the lyrics to ABBA songs or Christmas music. It's weekly trips to Sam's Club with my dad. It's my neighbor knocking on the back door to play with the animals. It's movies and group hugs with my best friends. It's babysitting the cutest kids. It's catching up on the high school drama with Isabel and Ainsley. It's my mom laying next to me on my bed at night. It's hearing the steady thumps of my sister practicing her dances in the kitchen. It's always seeing someone I know at Target. It's my brother's weird as heck noises. It's stopping in my mom's classroom with Starbucks. It's picking produce from the garden. It's late nights that us three kids are up studying. It's Olivia taking my clothes. It's two arms holding me tight when I need it most. It's being with the ones I love most, wherever.

While all of this will always be home, I am trying to make where I am now, home. It's difficult as I try to pick up these new pieces. With just two weeks under my belt, I know that it will take time. But I sure do crave for that feeling of security and comfort. I am making friends who I know will be essential to that home feeling, as I create new routines and find my new rhythm to life. 

Perhaps home will be jumping to get on my cozy little corner bed. Flock nights with Andy and EB. Coffee between math and bio. Seeing familiar faces, smiling and waving. Talking with floor mates in the bathroom. Laundry on Thursday mornings. Smelling the green apple smell when I pass the planetarium. Fearing the ducks of Kittredge Pond. Young Life and Swing Dance Club. Riding the Hop to 29th Street Mall for window shopping and Target trips. Laughing at myself far too often in my dorm room. Sharing goodies from home. Admiring the Flatirons every morning. Girl talk outside my RA's door. 

This place will never replace home, but it is what I make it. I suppose we never just have one home. Home is multiple pieces that make up each of us, each one providing reassurance and truth. There are days where I miss home. I miss the simplicity of childhood, of high school, of life before. While it seems different when I go back, parts echo the past and that comfort is restored.


Last night, I went to Young Life for the first time with some friends just to try it out (more on that later). We sang some songs that weren't all just worshippy and this was one of them. Tuesday morning I was having a pretty bad bout of homesickness and was feeling sort of lost in the crowd. I hate to go all "divine intervention" on you,  but I totally believe that there is a reason we sang this. I so needed it as a reminder. The lyrics resonated within me, especially these few lines :

"Settle down, it'll all be clear
Don't pay no mind to the demons
They fill you with fear
The trouble—it might drag you down
If you get lost, you can always be found

Just know you're not alone
'Cause I'm gonna make this place your home"

College is the place where we're all a little lost, all trying to figure out who we really are. But we will always have our roots to fall back on. I miss home and the happy memories of the past and the future is uncertain which is scary but you know what? I'm going to be just fine.  

xo
Hannah

    "So I'm trusting in my feet
            And I'm skipping to a beat
             Of a heart that's sweet on finding home"